Man, are you really going to go there? Do I really gotta bust out Depeche Mode?!
Um… what size? 2? 32? Medium? Tall? Ages 12-18 months? 10.5 wide? Super? I suppose my issue with this terminology is similar to debates over “Plus Size” and “Extended” and anything else people come up with. I also dislike “People of Color” for the green? polka-dot? royal blue? George Hamilton colored (His orangeness aside, BTW, I love him!)? similar sentiment.
There is a lot of ignorance, misinformation, and confusion about weight out there. It is a Moral Cause for far too many people – even docotrs! Fat Hate rears it’s head as “concern” for someone’s health, or superiority of the I’m-so-smarter-than-you variety, etc. Everyone is absolutely, undeniably, overwhelmingly CERTAIN that they KNOW why people are fat, they KNOW how to fix it, and HOW DARE people keep being fat. It is a deep and unshakable BELIEF. These people know The Truth, and will twist anything to fit their view. The read about it, the heard about it, news article this, news article that. If we’re lucky, they even have personal experience with weight troubles, so now they REALLY know for SURE. Skepticism for things in the news and media these days never seems to extend to obesity issues – unless it tries to steer people away from feeling justified in abusing others. Here is a hilarious point I saw someone try to make: “In the 40’s and 50’s nobody was fat, look at the movies and TV shows back then!” BRB, laughing myself into next week. The 3 Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, The Honeymooners, Abbot and Costello (never mind that the women were SO VERY corseted, and today’s actresses are single digit sizes – a whole digit less that classic starlets)… People will just go SO far out of their way to make ANYTHING fit their broken arguments.
So many Moral People out there try to insist it isn’t genetic, and that it is only an excuse. On the human genome there are at least 8 indicators on at least 7 chromosomes for obesity related issues. It is right there in the genes you were born with, in multiple places. You may or may not develop obesity for any number of reasons, but it’s there, and it’s not meaningless. How you were raised, pollution, fake food… so many ways this onslaught of factors hits us every day. If you sat here worrying about and trying to fight all of them, it would be the most demanding over-time laden job you could have, it would be 24/7/365. You cannot reasonably expect people to think about all this stuff every waking minute of every day.
And then there are the just-plain-bigots. People who spew vitriol through every pore of their body directed at fat people. They say they all fat people should die, are gross, and less than human, are pigs, and selfish, and any number of horrible things. Recently, in the debate about Obesity and Airline Travel, you get things like this:
“I was on a plane once, and it was the most traumatizing thing ever to have some FAT and SWEATY PIG touching me. Fatties are SO GROSS, I don’t want to be near those smelly, disgusting fat people! I don’t think they should even be allowed ON a plane!”
Now, let’s try this another way:
“I was on a plane once, and it was the most traumatizing thing ever to have some N****R touching me. N****RS are SO GROSS, I don’t want to be near those smelly, disgusting N****RS! I don’t think they should even be allowed ON a plane!”
Do you get it now? I hate to make the racial jump, like I hate Godwin’s Law being invoked. I do, however, think people need to keep a keen eye on -isms and cries for eugenics. It is maybe a little concerning, hmm, this trend toward out loud bigotry and suggestions of violence and segregation and euthanization. Getting to Racism and Nazis ain’t that far a leap when you talk this way, and BELIEVE in your heart that fatties are to blame for all the horrible in the world, and ruining your life (via taxes, discomfort while flying, etc). I do not think it over-reacting or over-stating – when someone says they want fatties to DIE, I am afraid they will find a way to carry out that wish.
I’m fat. Very much so : JJ is based on me, her largest shape is about the shape I was when I began working on the comic nearly a decade ago. FYI: Year 2000 Size 16-18, sometimes a 20, 175lbs. Year 2010 Size 26-32, 290lbs. 5′6″. I am not fat by choice, I am not because I’m lazy, I am not because I don’t care. Because of genetics, poor nutrition, not-yet-advanced medicine and stupidity, I became fat. Currently I am fat because of a vast array of medical issues, injuries and poor diet due to prolonged issues with income and lack of insurance. I try to fight my poor “health” (I mean health mainly in terms of mobility, because aside from a hormone disorder, I haven’t really been sick in almost a decade.). I try to suck it up and push through.
I don’t feel like I have to be skinny, or that fat is ugly, or that there’s anything inherently wrong with being fat. I struggle to work on my “health” because I myself don’t like being sick, and being immobile freaks me out. I hurt all the time. The pain and exhaustion keep me from having a job and a life. It’s different for everyone who has a weight issue – for others, they can be as active and comfortable as anybody could be, for me in this particular body, I suffer from it heavily.
There is a popular attitude that fat people owe everybody something, a Moral Judgement – like looking at an obese person and seeing them as a user, an idiot, a worthless waste of space, someone who doesn’t deserve to be out getting in the way of a busy “normal” person, someone who is just utterly contemptible and gross… This attitude that it’s a “choice”, that I somehow am going “Yeah, I’m not gonna try to loose weight, I’m just gonna eeeeat and eeeeeat and eaaat while you pay for my food and health care” is ridiculous and unfounded. For anyone that thinks I myself am lazy, I have a very big “Fuck You”* in my pocket and I’m not afraid to let it loose on you.
I’ve tried so hard I am literally tearing my body apart. Every attempt at weight loss in the last decade has resulted in injury and acceleration of structural breakdown. My feet, my knees, my hips and back, my elbows, my hands… I lost a whole organ in 2001 due to ill advised dieting. I had to have another surgery in 2009 to fix what surgeons broke when they yanked out an organ in 2001 (And the jury is still out on if I’ll need another to repair more.). I have always tried to see many types of doctors, I have seen nutritionists, I have had test out the wazoo. For years no professional doctor I encountered knew what to do. For every idea they gave me, I researched what they told me, and I tried to stay on top of things. You know what? IT CHANGES. All the time the research and studies change and have different theories and statistical viewpoints. I end some days feeling like I should go back to college and become a doctor, I’m studying for it anyway!
I have had clear medical problems my entire life, but once I got fat, that’s all anyone sees, and they assume it to be the reason for all that ails me without looking at the development. Just because X + Y = Z does not mean A + Q != Z, A and Q might have happened before X and Y, A may have brought Y into being, but if you don’t look, you don’t know!
“Fat acceptance” is NOT about thinking large people should be praised or or given special treatment, and it is NOT about fat being an ideal people should aspire to. It’s about simple respect, and equal treatment. You don’t have to think I’m hot and sexy if fat doesn’t turn you on, but you don’t get to degrade me because you prefer skinny people. You also do not get to tell me I can’t have a life, and be seen in public, and go where I want and do things that I want to do. You also don’t get to say that fatties shouldn’t fly/bus/train. Fatties have jobs that require travel, fatties deserve vacations, fatties have families and funerals and marriages, and families are getting global. You are not better than someone else because of your color, your heritage, your brains, your fitness, your faith or anything else. We’re all human, we all need to learn to respect each other. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, never assume, because you will probably assume incorrectly.
The movies and media that Kevin Smith creates are not everyone’s bag. He cusses A LOT, he talks about sex A LOT, he talks about pot A LOT, he’s just a big ball of profane and infantile humor. That is not to everyone’s taste, I get it. I am not saying anyone has to love him because I personally find what he does awesome. To each their own. I haven’t even seen all his movies, perhaps one day I will (only so much $ and time, you know?). I liked Clerks, Chasing Amy, LOVED Dogma, and honestly, I loved Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, maybe even more now because it feels like a ton of inside jokes amongst friends.
He has said before in his podcast that he feels “SModcast” is the best thing he has ever done. I am kind of inclined to agree, mainly because it seems to have a larger Purpose In Life than a really funny movie might. What it feels to me like he’s doing is, drumroll please, GASP! being a human being. He’s fallible, he’s awkward, he’s silly, he’s sometimes wrong or uninformed and other times over-informed, and he has his own values and moral code. He hangs out with his wife, his kid, his mom, and his friends, and they talk about stuff everybody talks about. It isn’t groundbreaking or innovative, but it’s an important representation of ordinary people who are NOT part of the celebrity culture by choice.
“Death before discourtesy.” Indeed, sir, indeed. This motto Mr. Smith proclaims, it is a kind of philosophy I’ve been hanging onto myself for a while now. No matter how different, no matter the situation, I try really hard to remember that we’re all people, we’re a pretty diverse lot, we all deserve respect, and if not, at least polite deference. I fail a lot, but I try. I don’t think I’ve ever posted it here before, so here is my thought on a related subject, Chivalry:
Getting back to the Hero part… I’m not the most sensitive person in the world, but still, I cannot imagine what he’s dealing with. He stood up for himself and for a fellow passenger on an airline that was being fatist. What he gets, in my estimate, is every internet troll in the entire world, and every anti-fat bigot known to man(un!)kind. He’s getting so incredibly much abuse (rather mind bogglingly, the trolls actually PAY to get into his forum and insult him and his fans). I’m sure there are plenty of people out there showing him the love, but boy, that amount of hate will drown out just about anything else.
When I listened to SModcast #106, his account of the ordeal, I cried. Watching his YouTube videos, I cried. When he talks about 2 things, it hits home for me. 1 is the feeling of victimization, and shared fear of people trying to pass and being outed. 2 is the constant inner monologue fat people so often have. “Am I in their way? Will they see me? Will they call me out? Will I sweat on them? Will this person be uncomfortable next to me? Don’t they know I try to loose weight? Don’t they know I’m not a face-stuffer? I’m not really fat if I can just do this one thing! Please validate me!” I think lately I’ve dealt relatively well with being disabled, managing my body’s ailments, eating healthier stuff when possible, and finding ways to simply cope.
I cannot yet find a way to shut off the monologue. I think for me, that inner constant justification and readiness to recite facts and figures and data and nutrition info and fear of people looking at me and fear or being made fun of and fear of being harassed and and and… I think THAT is holding me back, and making coping hard. I can’t let go of the entirety of news articles, medical journals, studies, research, nutrition, taxes, health care, medical breakthroughs, disability causes, fat causes, fat politics, trolls, opinions, theories… It is this huge cloud of STUFF, it is overwhelming, it is a burden, it is omnipresent. The idea that other people might have this to handle on top of simply living the life of a fat and/or disabled person, that makes me break down. I try to clear the fog and live a life, but it sure is a challenge.
It makes me break down, and it makes me realize how very tired I am.
Toward the end of Kevin Smith’s YouTube videos about the airline issue, he started saying things about people being right, he needed to loose weight, and seeming more and more down on himself. I truly hope that the trolls do not win. I hope his wife and family and friends will be there for him, and help him be happy in healthy in ways he wants to be, I hope they will gradually wash away the hate of the bigoted masses so he can be free and clear of that noise and garbage.
One of my favorite moments from a SModcast with his wife was when he started to insult himself, and she stopped him and told him he was beautiful. Mr. Smith did a brave and good thing in standing up and speaking out, he showed compassion and respect for others, he took on the burden of being a loud voice so many people needed. At the end of the day, I think what should matter is his own happiness, and his family. They clearly love him, and he works hard to do right by them, and he is deserving of love and respect. He could be 10lbs. or 10,000lbs., he’s still going to be a truly beautiful human being for what he tried/is trying to do.
I appreciate him having added his voice to the side of equal treatment and respect for human beings. I’ve been brewing this long manifesto-like post for a long time, this finally motivated me to get it contained and posted, (To semi-quote Robert Llewellyn)and if you have been, thank you for reading!
______________________________________________________ *Profanity doesn’t really get me, they’re just words, and you can really hurt me using not even a single one of George Carlin’s 7 dirty words. I understand though, that they convey an emotion and a threat that causes some to take things less seriously. In the Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Air debacle, many cite his cussing as a reason not to listen to him, and to me that makes the commenter seem to me really immature and unable to function without their precious ears and eyes being sullied (I also interpreted it to be his impression of talking mainly to his fans, not so much the general public.). I try to pick the right times and places, and I try not to offend people who have laid out their preferences. Here in my own space, I will use whatever words I want because they’re just words to me.Below I am including some links to various things. I composed some of this ages ago, they may not all be up.
Book to read:
“Health at Every Size” by Linda Bacon, PhD. I suggest it because she does a good job of laying out basic nutrition, and she cites a TON of credible references.
Helpful Links:
Don’t You Realize You’re Fat?
First, Do No Harm
Big Fat Blog
Junkfood Science
Paul Campos Speech at UCLA
Various Articles:
Too Fat To Work
Using your brain burns calories!
Fatphobia
More Fatphobia
Yet More Fatphobia
Fat Hate Crimes
Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Air in his own words (#106, and #107)
Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Air Summary
Kate Harding commentary on Flying While Fat
Medical Discrimination
The Fat Nutritionist
Fun:
Ever heard of Hourly Comic Day? If not, now you have. Here is my effort!
In the interest of directing folks who pop up from time to time… I made a Facebook Fan Page for myself. Have at it!
Aside from that, I have some other things brewing, hopefully it won’t be long before I post something.
Thanksgiving week was quite a busy one for me! I was hosting friends from afar, and as a treat, they took Dove and I to see a Teatro Zinzanni show.
The show features a variety of acts, and I could be in love with Beaumount & Caswell ! There was a lot of gender play in their act, and it was fabulously fun! The whole production from the wait staff, the meals, the performers, the decor… just everything was masterful and wonderful. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends! This wins Thanksgiving forever!
Another donation gift! There’ll be two more, I hope, by the end of the month. That should catch up with at least what I’ve missed from previous thanksgivings.
My partner and I at Steamcon 2009! She treated me to this special weekend! I tell you, it’s quite nice for use to enjoy a non-working vacation. She even helped with my costumes! The skirt below was a particular labor of love!
At a steampunk convention… everybody dresses up. It had to be like, 5-10% of people who attended without dressing up. The rest were all manner of great outfits, props and whatnot. Neat. Endless eyecandy! I kinda wanted to just run back and forth to our room to change into different costumes. Hee! All ages, colors, genders, and sizes. I love it! It was all so beautiful and peaceful! I recommend this type of event highly!
The following weekend, my BFFs sent me train tickets to visit them for Halloween.
October was full of such fun times! A great relief! If you keep up with my DeviantArt gallery, you can see, too, it was a very productive month. In terms of getting help with the health problems, things have been dismal as ever, but it was nice to finally have at least an emotional break!
I’ve been quite busy as of late! I’m catching up a little, so here is this month’s donation gift art.
So, in 1985 I was just starting 6th grade in a new school. I had a cousin who worked in fashion design, and often I would get hand-me-downs from her. I always thought they were awesome clothes, and had been using them to play dress-up since I was little. Well, there was this one outfit…
I didn’t realize until many years later that the pink triangle was a symbol for the GLBT community. So, I had apparently spent time at the age of 11 dressed as what I can only describe as a gay superhero. JJ here is in the exact jumpsuit I wore in 1985.
Happy Halloween, eh? :)
I’m still working on fixing things here, but in the meantime, I wanted to post previews to the latest donation gift updates! These all sort of had a Noir theme… but only loosely.
I think it’s safe to say that the surgery recovery is about done. I live, I breathe, I carry on. I still have a number of other medical issues to sort through, but such is life.
Oh yeah, I also cut my hair. I’ll be sending it to Locks of Love! My hair isn’t short exactly, I can still make a small pigtail! I thought I’d miss my hair more than I do. I like that it’s less effort!
Lulu has this new book format – mini books. It seems like a fun idea, but since you can only order sets of 3 or 4, I’m not sure what I could do with it. I can see the value of maybe a LOM primer or sorts that people could pass around, but still… So, if you REALLY want to see me do something with that, e-mail me and tell me so.
I’ve been mostly making fan art and posting it here. I hope to get back to cranking out the wallpapers for the donation area here. As for comics, we’ll see. It’s been so long, and my life has been sort of pulling me away enough that I think I have to re-acquaint myself with the story, and the script. I’m mulling the idea of a single panel thing with a similar theme to a life comic – but staring the characters. It would not be canon, but would at least get me practicing a bit.
I had this idea a long time ago, to make a little family album of sorts with art from the comic and donation gift collection. I picked up a small album years ago, but never got around to it. There are still some pages blank, I could possibly fill those with actual doodles or other prints. If you’d like to buy this from me, please e-mail me!
Family Album Preview